Most Recent Quot
People getting too old to manage their gardens employing somebody even older to do it for them
Always clicking on the ‘I agree ‘ button on website ‘Terms and Conditions’ boxes without reading them first
Like when you’re downloading or installing new software programmes, yes. They never appear till you’re on the home strait and to bother with them just delays the process…
22 Apr 2011
Always hesitating before applauding any public performance for fear of being the first to start clapping
….Or even the only one. At classical music concerts one doesn’t necessarily clap just because the music stops , for instance between movements of symphonic works, and to do so…
21 Apr 2011
Your signature never bearing any resemblance to your actual name
There is no law that says a signature has to be a name and many signatories prefer to identify themselves as a bluebottle’s flightpath or a barbed-wire roadblock…
20 Apr 2011
Contemporary artists always saying they want to get you to ‘ look at things in a different way’
Never a bad thing if only to get you to appreciate how right you were to see them the way you did before. Literal and prosaic it may be but…
19 Apr 2011
On motorway journeys always seeing lorries with the timber frame of a half-complete house on the back
Indeed one does , your point probably being that you never see them on minor roads. What are being transported here are actually completed houses , in fact the rude dwellings of…
18 Apr 2011
People wearing hearing-aids always being shouted at
The way you phrase this – as well as having an old-world name like Cyril – suggest that you are a victim of this rather than a perpetrator. The quot issue…
15 Apr 2011
The jobs at the bottom of your ‘To do’ lists always stay there and never get done
You are referring , of course, to all those jobs you’ve been meaning to get round to for ages - like getting your wife down from the up-and-over garage…
14 Apr 2011
Finding you’ve written ‘Next Thursday’ or the day’s date in your desk diary instead of what you’re suppose to be doing, where, what time, and with whom.
It figures because what you’ve distractedly written there is what you were saying on the phone when you made the arrangement, and if your workplace environment is at all…
13 Apr 2011
Always feeling a sneaking temptation to cast furtive glances into other people’s houses as you walk past them
Sneaking? Furtive? Why be so secretive about it? Serves them right for having see-through windows. Whatever became of the net curtain? And if they leave the door open ,well…
12 Apr 2011
Always preparing a few lines of opening banter for when one arrives at parties
What, you mean you actually prepare all that stuff about not realising it was a ‘Tramps and Tarts’ party? This isn’t strictly speaking a confessional but you may be…
11 Apr 2011
Always ending up summer evenings outside freezing to death for lack of warm clothes
Forgot how cold it can get after dark even in high summer, eh? If ever there was an avoidable quot this is it , though - to be fair - a sudden plummet…
10 Apr 2011
The ‘smallest room in the house’ always being even smaller in guesthouses and B&Bs
This is perfectly in line with Quot Building Regulations which state that all B&B conversions should follow the general principle of ‘maximising on minimums’ . Guesthouses and the like…
9 Apr 2011
Your electronic equipment and mechanical appliances always breaking down at the same time
How fate sometimes conspires in your favour. So much more considerate of washing machines, boilers, televisions and computers to agree the timing amongst themselves so that you only have the…
8 Apr 2011
Coming back to your computer to find you've left something resting on the keyboard which has typed you out 27 pages of 'J's
And then Spellcheck asks whether you realise there is no such word and suggests that 'jejune' or 'juju' might be the word you were looking for. And there you were…
6 Apr 2011
When the first tip of your foreign holiday is called for , your never having any of the local currency on you
That'll be when you've just arrived in your hotel room and your baggage-carrier has just struggled in behind you with your cases and is now hovering in…
5 Apr 2011
Always getting out a fresh teaspoon for every cup of tea or coffee you make
You could be on to something here - an explanation of the definitive quot which is that 'There is always a teaspoon in the bottom of the washing up water when…
4 Apr 2011
Dry cleaners always telling you that your particular stains will probably never come off
......And that accusing look they give you when you say it's only red wine or a dollop of zabalione , as if you'd just asked them if the cleaning…
3 Apr 2011
Always finding something else to go in the wheelie-bin on bin-day just after putting it out in the road for collection.
Another of several 'just after' quots which have been flooding in : finding the dropped sock on the stairs just after turning on the washing machine : finding a use for the…
1 Apr 2011