Always getting the wobbly table in a restaurant

 Octagon Whittery , secretary-general of Restaurant Victim Concern and best-selling author of ‘Please Wait to Be Ripped Off’ and ‘Drizzle Me With Jus ‘ refers wobbly table sufferers to the following item in the Quotmart Catalogue:-

“ Wobbly tables in restaurants are a thing of the past now that you can take matters into your own hands with the Quotmart ‘Table-Stable’ .Give any wobbly table a leg-up with this elegant yet sturdy micro-jack which can be slipped unobtrusively under any out-of-kilter table leg and adjusted to any shortfalls of up to four inches to bring it into line with the others.

This easy-to-use precision instrument with its indented non-slip bedplate which will accommodate even the bulkiest table-leg bottom is guaranteed to enhance your dining experience . This is the ultimate in de-wobblification and your cutlery and glassware need never slide off the table again. Only £9.99 (inc.p&p).   And that isn’t all because you can always make sure that your table is at the perfect horizontal  by calibrating your optimum leg-lift with Quotmart’s new Napkin-Ring/Spirit-Level. In genuine nickel-silver electroplated to 20 microns it has a decorative beaded  border and anti-roll flange (and personalised lettering – if your initials happen to be EPNS) . As used on dining tables of all ships of the Royal Navy,  here is an additional piece of silverware to grace any dinner table which at just £25.99 (inc.p&p) together with its table-stable-mate would make an ideal gift for the regular restaurant-goer. “

(Aaron Babcock , Badminston) - QQQQ*