All weddings having somebody there in a kilt even though they’re not Scottish

                                                                      A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE

There are a lot of things Gavin doesn’t do and they’re all in a set list of inviolable life-rules set by Gavin himself . He called them his ‘ principles’ . To listen to him declaring them – which he does often – you’d think that Gavin isn’t a particularly agreeable fellow  and wouldn’t make friends easily , yet there are enough like-minded cussid individuals for him to have formed a social group. Even so you’d think it would also be against Gavin’s ‘principles’ , say , to go to weddings or to give wedding presents. But he does – within the confines of his own tribe at least.

Surprising as it may  seem that one of this tribe is capable of  actually forming  a female relationship to the extreme  of risking matrimony his friend Olly did so . Not that Gavin approved or anything or didn’t try his best to dissuade him from such folly  , he did actually pitch up  at his wedding and even gave the couple a present , which incidentally was a wicker laundry basket.

But the marriage foundered after a couple of years and a divorced Olly found himself  back in the tribe as a single man happily railing against humanity in general with Gavin the rest of them. He heard the the phrase ‘ I told you so’ a lot . So it came as a shock to Gavin when he and Olly are walking down the street one day , strategically avoidng anybody rattling a charity collection tin,  that Olly announces that he has a new girlfriend , that it‘s the ’real thing’ this time, and that he intends to marry her. “ You’ll be coming  to the wedding , of course”.

 The news stops Gavin in his tracks . “Oh no, he says.” That would be against my principles . What principle was this , asks Olly. Gavin’s reply seems set in stone “ One – wedding -per -person “  .

 “I’ve seen you get married before, I gave you a laundry basket.. You had my blessing and I wished you well, but you cocked it up. You can’t ask me to go though all that again and give you another present only to have you screw it  up again”.

 Olly stares at him in stunned silence for a moment . Then , “But nobody’s asking ……”

 “One wedding per person “  Gavin interrupts .

 “ But …..”

 “One wedding per person – that’s the rule. “

 Olly just stands there with his mouth open but says nothing.

 “No second weddings ,” declares Gavin emphatically. “And – by the way – the same applies to funerals “

(Mordicai Slipper , Swanage) - QQ***