Having to wear an ID card round your neck as proof of belonging to something

Don’t work for any company?  Don’t belong to any organisation or society or even any club ?  No one need ever know and you can pass yourself off as an authentic belonger if your wear  your own official Billy-No-Mates ID and Swipecard – available from QUOTSHOP now. The citation reads ‘ This is to certify that the wearer is not a bona fide employee of any company or member or associate or representative of any creditable organisation and this card will not confer any authority or entitlement to access , special treatment , privileges  , favours or benefits . It merely confirms that he/she is a sad loser and is just flashing this about to look as if he/she is  a  functioning human being in the hope that no one will ask questions or read the small print . Nor will this card open any doors. ”  From now on you too can  be just one swipe away from humiliating rejection.

(Jordan Splinter ,London EC1) - QQQ**