Young children always preferring to play with the box and the wrapping paper rather than the actual present

Infant maturity and great discretion on display here as per ‘The Quot Guide to Childcare’ which clearly states that a toddler who doesn’t know the difference between a present and its wrapping is too young to know the difference between its birthday and any other day and so you could have got away with giving them nothing. What the child thinks of the present itself is all expressed in the act of tossing it aside and showing preference for the wrapping or the box . The child then turning the box into a pirate ship or a helicopter is often admired as a show of imagination and creativity but it should be curbed at all costs or the child could well grow up to be an artist or a media person instead of something useful like a call centre phone operator or a traffic warden . This can easily be done by the adult simply going along with the  child’s  fantasy and saying something like  “ Oh is that your pirate ship? Well shiver-me-timbers , A-vart , me hearties ” ( whatever that means)  together with  a bit of mimed grappling and swordplay“ . Any well-adjusted child just cannot stand the embarrassment and will instinctively reply  “No ,it’s a box ,stupid “ or “ Get real, old timer “ and desist immediately . Bearing in mind that presents for the very young are more for the perception of the child’s parents and the gratification of the giver than for the enjoyment of the child  ‘ The Quot Guide to Childcare’ advises” 1) It should be big – certainly big enough for the child to get into its box and then leap out of in order frighten the life out of old people carrying breakable objects  .2) It should be exceedingly expensive the clearer to testify to the generosity of the giver and the price tag , far from being removed , should be kept on and where possible waved under the parents’ noses.

( It helps if the present has  ‘Choke Hazard’ warning on the box and if the buyer finds themselves in the shop saying “  What? Twelve quid just for a bit of moulded plastic “ and choking , then the price is about right ) . 3) The present should also be blatantly gender-specific and stereotypical.

(Chelsea Snuggs , Willesden) - QQQQ*