Your signature never bearing any resemblance to your actual name

There is no law that says a signature has to be a name and many signatories prefer to identify themselves as a bluebottle’s flightpath or a barbed-wire roadblock . Signatures evolve over time and if you look at yours ten years ago – or even yesterday – you’ll wonder who is was originally signed your mobile phone contract. The pace of evolution speeds up the more you sign , either over the years or even in the course of a single signing of a car-hire agreement form which requires about 47 signatures in the crossed boxes. Signing for the delivery of on-line grocery orders or recorded postal deliveries often involves putting your name on one of those electronic consoles with a miniature ice-rink for a writing surface . These have a stubby stylus on the end of a wire which slithers uncontrollably about sometimes right off the page and up the postman’s nose. And that’s just in the space where it says ‘Print Your Name’. This is all part of the system so that should the goods have gone to the wrong place there’s no comeback as the receiver can’t be identified as their name looks like a serious multiple cycling accident. It’s the same with signing on the slippery backs of plastic credit cards which commits you long term to duplicating your skid. And it’s almost impossible to sign a legible name in banks with those chained-up heavy-duty pens with bulbous nib-ends which completely obscure what you’re writing. Your point will be proved if you try this at your next social gathering : get your guests to sign in and then have them guess whose signature is whose – it’s harder than you’d think but guaranteed to break the ice at parties.

(Owen Crinkley , Evesham) - QQQQ*