The ‘smallest room in the house’ always being even smaller in guesthouses and B&Bs

This is perfectly in line with Quot Building Regulations which state that all B&B conversions should follow the general principle of ‘maximising on minimums’ . Guesthouses and the like are paragons of the principle in action as they are duty bound to cram as much as they can into as small a space as possible – hence bathroom shelves and basin ledges too narrow to put a toothbrush down on . The committee which set this minimum quite properly based their measurements on the average size of the people in the room at the time (which at that particular moment included a party of visiting primary school children on a ‘ How our Country is Run ‘ class project). B&Bs should not be confused with hotels which are purpose built for full-sized people as they are no more than private houses converted by the householder to make a few quid on the side without having to get a job and whereby he can get his wife to do all the work. Hence a standard loft conversion attempts to squeeze four extra bedrooms with en-suite bathrooms into what was formerly a wall cavity . You end up with a bathroom with a bath the size of a soap dish , or a shower with no elbow room in which you have to crouch down or lean over because of the slope of the roof, and no space to dry yourself without sitting in the wash-basin . This in turn is a microscopic receptacle but nevertheless a credit to the watchmaker who designed it and the towel rail will accommodate one of those cloths you use clean your glasses with . The whole outfit is a living testament to nano-design and mini-engineering, micro-economics and micro-management – as symbolised by the little pots of marmalade which hawk-eyed guests have been known to spot on their breakfast tables . Outside there will be an ample parking space and turning circle for a wheel-barrow or a window-cleaner’s bike .
( QQQQ*)

(William Hare, Norwich) - QQQQ*